'Endtroducing' the second edition of: "Write or Wrong?!"
(a satirical book review service wherein books that are not books are given reviews that aren't reviews.)
The Wristband, "That I Found On The Floor".
By Sequoya Tromba, Senior (4th year at Wellsprings).
Last Thursday, on a happenstance encounter with the floor as a result of shoddy vambraces, I was met with a peculiarly-shaped donut-- one meant to be attached to the small wrist that most humans possess. Now, I know this is a book review service, and I'm happy to report that like most things I review, this was definitely a book. Upon slipping it on my fingers and then my hand-attachment, my brain was filled with the exercising impulses that an athlete often feels while jogging or jumping, and I immediately realized not only the power of the wristband, but also its academic literocity that was enticing, enthralling, and enticing all at once.
Written affectionately by some sort of celestial being, "That I Found On The Floor" is not only transparent, but also trans-friendly, and also trans-parent-friendly. With a shape that accommodates just about every bodily shape, I can't imagine any sort of scenario in which a member of the LGBTQ+ community wouldn't be able to slip its succulent body on their skin, or read its immaculately-written contents with their nonconventional eyes. As a gay man myself, I realize that most books have words only legible to straight people, such as "line" and "tangent", which I have always had trouble comprehending. This bracelet foregoes those requirements by lacking not just words, but also concepts at all.
Really, this object, "That I Found On The Floor", is more of a feeling than a book. Who am I to typecast it into one physical form or another? My favorite literary character, "BoJack Horseman", once posed a very relevant question, but one I hate as much as my favorite literary character, "BoJack Horseman": What are its physical properties? And my answer is: What a terrible question. My neurons must fire at twice their normal pace to even comprehend this idea. My bracelet is around my wrist, and reading it makes me want to write in the Daily Review more than anything. Isn't that enough?
I love books. I love this bracelet, "That I Found On The Floor". I love how it feels in my brain and wrist. My brain feels great. I love my brain. I love this bracelet and brain. I love how it makes my wrist feel. I feel great about my wrist. The plot of this book is so great, you don't even know.