Introducing the first edition of: "Write or Wrong?!"
We hope to publish more writings of all kinds, artwork, and other submissions by Wellsprings students. Here is the first one!
(a satirical book review service wherein books that are not books are given reviews that aren't reviews.)
John Oliver's The Fellowship of the Ring
By Sequoya Tromba, Senior (4th year at Wellsprings)
"In this explosive sequel to John Oliver's previous novel, Late Night with John Oliver, our friendly Olivery fellow enters an entirely new realm, one inundated with orcs, elves, orcs, and institutional classism.
John Oliver, the protagonist, is a self-described ring-bearer for a wedding which never ends up occurring, and meets up with fellow late-night-show-host John Stewart, whom he builds a strong rapport with. They must eventually marry to share taxes and avoid the economical supermassive anomaly of John Colbert's new tyrannical reign, and in a twist of fate, they end up completely lacking any love in the relationship at all.
I love this book. Not only do I love its storytelling, which aptly mixes the non-chronological narrative style of Blood Meridian and the brutalistic, visceral cinematography of The Ninth Star Wars Novelization In A Row, but also does a great job of painting a utopic, dystopic future where only political commentary can be used as currency.
Really, this story demonstrates how every single thing must be commentary on something else, and can never stand on its own. Original thoughts and ideas are dead ends, and probably signs of mental illness. This idea has struck me as especially convenient, as it means I don't have to come up with a single original critique of this story-- instead stealing wholesale from my good and old good old friend Crober, the perhaps ninth person to circulate this article about John Oliver's The Fellowship of the Ring. Even this anecdotal musing at the end of the article wasn't written by me. It's all Crober.
I will now proceed to showcase my actual writing ability and attempt to emulate (though not fully simulate, for fear of arrest) an "original idea".